I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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