So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We talked him into tasing himself.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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