he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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