i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do herpes really smell.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
