Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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