I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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