i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
