did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i think my cat just said my name.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
