Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
