Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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