peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
