He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
