I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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