worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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