Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
