Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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