Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
