Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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