Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
