Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
