it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
