so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
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The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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