They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
