I just cut my nipple shaving
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
