oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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