do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
