oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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