ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my phone needs a breathalizer
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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