you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
