Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
