Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
