Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
