dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
