i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
