So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
