ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
