He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
