OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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