drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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