I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
