Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
