Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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