Me. At least after what I've been through.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
