in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
