im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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