who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
