I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
