everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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