she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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