I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
