I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
