I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
grandma shit on top of the toilet
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
