At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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