only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
