do herpes really smell.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
