I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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