Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm