I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.