Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
