): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
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Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.