everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize