I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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