My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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