Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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