i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
