I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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