is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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