I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
