party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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